Wednesday Writing - Fictional BDSM versus Real-life BDSM

This week’s post on fictional BDSM versus the real thing looks at the behaviour of the sub:

In our books the sub shows her interest in the lifestyle usually by wearing skimpy clothes, by attending a BDSM club and when there by being fascinated by everything going on around her. She is then usually attracted to a particular Dom and ignores everyone else. Her demeanour may indicate submissiveness by not having eye contact, or if in a relationship she may kneel at his side. There is enough sexual tension, sexual attraction written into story that the Dom is aware that she is ‘available’.

In reality my American Dom tells me that Doms tend to look for easy submissives who display ‘sluttish’ behaviour indicating this is a sub who loves sex, loves to be dominated and displays their whore-ish demeanor.  That is not to say there are not lady-like submissives, but that is not the norm.

Verbal degredation, eg, calling the sub names like slut, whore, cunt, etc, also seems to be very common in real life. Most subs expect to verbally humiliated and it is just part of the lifestyle. Interesting, my American Dom says as he gets older he doesn’t do this as much.

He also told me that, while subs often wear skimpy clothes or wear basques, more confidant subs will go panty-less, crotchless, assless, tits exposed, etc.   He always reads this exhibitionist behaviour as "open for business". 

I was fascinated when he said that there are some Doms who show skin or expose their genitals, but, he felt that a Dom should act more appropriate and let the sub be the slut.

But, here is my quandary, if I were to make my heroine subs more whoreish or have them enjoy being called those sorts of names (or have the hero use them), that doesn’t fit in with the publisher’s criteria that the hero/heroine has to be ‘noble and honest’.

It is a fine line between making the heroine flirty enough and sending out enough sexual signals that the reader feels they can put themselves in their shoes, and not putting them off altogether by making the heroine seem like a prostitute. She can be a flirt but not a whore!

The point to remember here is that the heroine’s behaviour is directed at the hero and not everyone or anyone who will have sex with her and once the hero is with the heroine he disdains anyone else. I usually reserve that sort of attitude for secondary characters.

Next week’s post is on relationships, particularly in ménage situations, and whether the issue of jealousy ever rears its ugly head.

Jen