Wednesday Writing - Fictional BDSM versus Real-life BDSM

Following on from my blog last Weds about Fictional BDSM versus the real thing, one thing that I’ve become very aware of in my research has been that with many (or, indeed, most) of the BDSM stories that I have written or I have read, the Dom always falls for their submissive.

We like our ‘happily ever after’ (or ‘happily for now’ will do if the couple have just met and it seems ridiculous that they would declare ever-lasting love in such a short time!). Sometimes the plot follows the scenario of a Dom who has been looking for the right sub for a long time. The character thinks this means the right sub to suit them sexually and be their permanent sub, but the reader knows that this really means falling in love with them.

I know, this sounds awfully soppy but at the end of the day I do write romance, albeit, erotic romance!

But does this really happen in real life?

It does happen, and quite often you'll be glad to hear. In fact many couples start life as a vanilla couple and then decide to try out the BDSM lifestyle, whilst others have met their spouse/ partner this way.

However, once there whether they came to it as a couple or as singles many people like the fact that they can move on from one Dom or sub to the next. There could be various reasons for this - one being wanting to experiment more, another due to differences in how they take to this life, and so on.

Because people are not necessarily doing it as a way of finding someone with whom they can have a romantic relationship, just a sexual/BDSM one. The BDSM version of dating - finding out the likes/dislikes/preferences/ foibles of other people in the lifestyle. After all, it's no good if a Dom who likes giving his subs a good flogging ends up with a sub who hates impact play.

And, of course, like within the dating game, there will be those people that don't want to commit to any one person. They like playing the field too much.

However, if I were to write about a Dom (or even a sub) who moves on constantly from one person to another with no other intention than the enjoyment of BDSM, where is the romance? Where is the happily ever after?

And a huge part of romance is the fantasy - what the reader would like to envisage happening - and that is for the hero to fall in love with the heroine whether they are a boss and his secretary, a millionaire and his nanny, or a Dom and a sub.


Next week's post on this topic looks at the age of the submissives. Are they really only in their twenties and thirties with occasional subs a little older like stories would have us believe?

Jen