Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Wednesday Writing - Fictional BDSM versus real life BDSM

As you may know I often include BDSM in my stories. My experience is limited to some experimentation in the bedroom so I do a lot of research including talking to people who practice BDSM as a major part of the lifestyle, who attend clubs, etc.

I have had a lot of great conversations recently with an American Dom who has provided useful insights. Another issue, other than lack of personal experience, is what takes part in the UK is not necessarily the same in the US – or, indeed, other parts of the world.

This came out in a question I had asked him about whether submissive auctions actually take place or whether they were just a figment of writers’ imaginations, as this is a plot that you often find in BDSM stories. So, does it appeal to readers’ fantasies knowing that is all it is?

The answer back was that he had never experienced any himself but had heard it was a big thing in European countries, although he thought it was probably a small percentage of the BDSM population that would take part in an auction. 

A fellow writer of BDSM stories who lives in the UK, Jan Bowles, laughed when I told her this and said that several American writers of BDSM had revealed that they save their more masochistic scenarios for their European characters!!

An interesting viewpoint of us Europeans – are we seen as very kinky? Or even as despotic perverts? I’ll have to research European BDSM……..

Next Weds the topic is 'Does the Dom really fall in love with the sub and live happily ever after'?

Jen

11 comments:

  1. Love this blog, Jen. I hope our American friends will leave some comments on how they really view the Europeans, and particularly the British. We're very open about kink in the larger cities, and even the smaller towns. Even my local village, deep in the Lincolnshire countryside has a morning coffee group, mainly to discuss FSoG. Yesss, erotica has definitely arrived here.

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  2. Thanks, Jan. It took me a while to work out FSoG referred to Fifty Shades! LOL. I was sitting in a cafe one lunch time about six months ago and overheard two elderly ladies on the next table chatting about that book. I nearly turned round and suggested they should read mine! What was amusing was their two husbands also sitting at the table were ignoring them!!!!

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  3. Jan, I can assure you that most Americans have a great respect and fondness for the British. It does take us by surprise though to find out how open and kinky the Brits can be. It is inspiring to know that there are lascivious individuals outside of the States. Mike L.

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    1. Thanks, Mike. Judging by those I meet at Eroticon Conference in the UK every year, there are lots of lascivious individuals outside of the US!!!

      Thanks too for all your help.

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  4. LOL that's funny. While yes, there is the occasional charity event where someone lets themselves be "auctioned" off for a bootblacking session, or to give a massage, or wash a car, or whatever innocuous thing to raise funds for a charity event, the "slave auctions" I see in books are pretty much fantasy. I've never met someone in real life who ever said yes, I was there at one, it was just like in the books, etc. etc. etc. always a bunch of third-party hearsay.

    I have heard that even though we're societally more accepting of BDSM over here in that you can find clubs and events open to the public, that in the UK it's pretty much underground because of the laws, and it's a closed-knit scene, unlike over in some places on the mainland like Amsterdam or Berlin.

    But as for more or less hardcore, I think that rep started via porn (where else? LOL) when a lot of German and Eastern European film companies were making stuff you could not legally make here in the States and it made its way over here. That's where a lot of the stereotypes start, frankly, because they're catering to the lowest common denominator and not "real" people. They're out to make money.

    Just like most people's view of FemDom is some latex-clad bitch walking all over a guy. Well, yeah, sure, there's a few like that, but there are far more "normal" people out there in FemDom dynamics where it's more a knight and his Lady kind of dynamic, nothing "wussy" about the guy at all. In fact, submissive men get a bad rap because so many people mistakingly think they're all these wussy, not-Alpha guys when the truth is frequently the opposite, that they're very Dominant men, Alphas even, and they use their submission as a mental vacation.

    And what's sexier than an Alpha dude who wants to cater to your every whim? Um...not much in my book. LOL

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    1. Haha! Thanks, Tymber. Love the idea of submissive men being Dominant males taking a vacation!!

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  6. Tymber... ummm nothing!!! Except, maybe two....

    Jennifer, Thanks for sharing this. Very interesting. As an American, I have never thought about if Europeans (Brits in particular) were more or less kinky. I do feel you are more accepting of a lot of things. Our "moral majority" seems to be constantly on the job policing behavior and condemning actions over here...
    I admit to being enamored of your accents, however, and think anything said could be seen as sexy as a result!

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    1. Thanks, Lisa. Glad you like our accents. However, we, too, are 'judged' by our 'moral' (!) peers!!!!

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  7. Great blog, Jennifer. Having been at the receiving end of a judging 'moral' peer only last week, I concur, that happens far too often here in the UK.

    I grew up in Germany under the care of a very liberal minded Grandmother, and it was quite an eyeopener, when I came to the UK, I tell you. Despite having lived here for 25 years some attitudes still astound me.

    *shrugs*

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    1. Very interesting viewpoint. Thanks, Doris.

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