Monday, 23 November 2015

Christmas double entendres

My Christmas story, ‘Naughty Christmas Wishes’, will be out on 11 December and it involves a fairy and four elves… you can use your imagination to work out what they get up to!

But have you considered how many Christmas double entendres there are?

Sitting on Santa’s lap! (Depends on the Santa!)

Santa asks, “Who’s been naughty and who’s been good?” (I want to know what punishment the naughty ones get!)

When Santa got stuck up the chimney… what exactly are we referring to here? Somewhere warm? Hmm. The song goes, ‘He wasn’t quite up or down’….

And when Mommy was caught kissing Santa, where was Daddy? Was he really santa or is this a menage relationship?

Mistletoe is for kissing under (and lots more – just not outside in the cold).

Erecting the Christmas decorations… and maybe not the only erecting happening.

Who trims their tree… or anything else?

Here’s a suggestion – nipple clamps with baubles!

Untying a Christmas present… what if your fantasy man (or woman) was the present with a ribbon covering their naughty bits?!

When eating the turkey you are asked, “Do you want some leg or breast?”

Also with the turkey you tie the legs together to keep it moist inside!!

And how about knowing ‘the bird is done when the juices run out!’

How many people play games at Christmas? Will it be innocuous or otherwise!

Okay, so how many of you have candles at Christmas? Have you ever tried playing with wax (not the candle wax but special body wax you can get in special shops)? Great fun.

There was a Christmas song called, ‘Back Door Santa’….

And let’s just admit how gorgeous and sexy Kylie Minogue was singing ‘Santa Baby!

And then there is curling up in front of the fire with a good book – I can certainly recommend ‘Naughty Christmas Wishes! LOL. Available soon from Luminosity Publishing

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