Wednesday Writing - Fictional BDSM versus Real-life BDSM

This week’s post on fictional BDSM looks at the age of subs. In our books they tend to be in their twenties or thirties and occasionally in their forties (males subs generally tending to be older than the female ones, I’d say). The reader doesn’t really want to read about subs older than that. They want to put themselves in the shoes of the heroine, the sub, and therefore want her to be young and beautiful.

But in actuality the age range varies enormously.

So if you are an older woman afraid of looking ridiculous by going into a BDSM club that you think will be filled with beautiful young women – think again.

Subs tend to start as early as 18 but most are about 25 before they get into the lifestyle, I understand.  Once they are in, subs can be any age.  My American Dom contact has seen them as old as 70+.  Apparently college girls seem to be quite flaky and move onto other endeavors over time, but the more mature ones seem to have a real interest.

In fact, my English Dom (I seem to be collecting them like one collects foreign dolls…..) says he’s met a few older subs over the years. One, he recalled, was in her mid-seventies who said that being a sub is like taking a drug, in that you become addicted to that form of pleasure AND it was not about sex at her age, because intercourse was too painful and any form of impact was out as she bruised too easily. Instead it was about the enjoyment of being submissive.

Doms also range in ages, but usually are much older when they start, 30 is about average. (This is from my American friend Dom – I have no idea if this is the same in the UK).

There is also something called ‘Age Play. Where there is a big difference in the age range of the Dom and the sub whether the Dom is old and the sub young or even vice versa. Some Subs really get into being with an older Dom even if is only a few years, this could be chalked up to having daddy issues.

The problem is if I write about a really old man acting as Dom to a very young sub, whether this really happens or not, the readers will think it seedy and perverted. Similarly, do they want to read about a 70 year old heroine who is a sub falling in love with their Dom? On the other hand, I can certainly add instances like these as secondary characters.

Next week's post is on sub behaviour - how sluttish should she be?

Jen