Flash Fiction Fridays

This is an extract from the opening chapter for an alien abduction comedy. I still haven't decided on the title! It was inspired by all the alien abduction stories that I a sucker for and I was thinking 'what happens if an alien decides to abduct ME, a middle-aged feisty Englishwoman....'

Remember it is a work in progress and may well change by the time I finish it!

Alien Abduction Comedy (working title)

copyright Jennifer Denys 2013

I’ve been abducted by an alien to be his mate! Dee couldn’t believe what she had just been told. What is this—some sort of appalling erotic romance? She winced. All right, so she was a sucker for alien abduction stories where the heroine is kidnapped by a hunky—and usually colored—alien because they have somehow been ordained to be breeding mates. So not abysmal since she owned many books with just that sort of plot.

            But that doesn’t happen in real life. It doesn’t! Does it?

            “Okay, mister. Say that again. I’m not sure the ‘universal translator’ was working properly. You want me to be what?”

            The tall being that stood in front of her wasn’t blue or green or purple like the archetypal alien of her stories usually was, but neither was he quite the color of an Earthling—more orange. She supposed he could have been overdoing the fake tan in a bad way if this was a set-up, except for the fact that he was longer than any man she knew of guessing this being was around seven and a half foot tall. But the more damning fact was that his bare chest appeared to be nippleless and his ears were slightly pointy. Thankfully his eyebrows didn’t arch upwards, nor did he have a pudding bowl haircut. She did wonder if he had green blood, though.

            Shit! I’m going to have to stop watching sci-fi.

            “You are my mirishu—you will mate with me and give me shushu—er, children.”

            Dee goggled at the over-tanned but unbelievably gorgeous creature in front of her. Yeah she’d loved to have sex with this guy, but he’d certainly got a rum deal with her. Apart from the fact that she was single because no man on earth had ever shown much of an interest in her, the more important thing here was that she had just started her menopause.

            After a moment of amazed silence, she burst out laughing at the incredulity of the situation. The alien stepped back a pace clearly stunned by her outburst. His face was a picture of flabbergasted astonishment—and some anger.

            That brought her hilarity to an abrupt end. Her hands on her hips she told him curtly, “Sorry, mister, but you must have got the wrong woman.”

            The alien’s eyebrows came together at the top of his nose as he frowned. This did cause his brows to arch upwards and Dee nearly giggled again but fought hard to stop it. “There is no mistake. Our Doggu—seer, I think is your word—directed me to you. Besides which, I know when we touch.”

            As if to confirm his words he put out a hand and clasped her shoulder. She waited. Well—was she supposed to feel something? Anything?

            “See,” he proclaimed his face relaxing as if he had, for a moment, thought she was correct.

            “Look, mate.” She stopped. That is a bad choice of word! But if they were going to kidnap an Englishwoman they got English colloquialism. “Um, Sir. I’m not feeling anything and you really ought to know something very important—I can’t have kids.”

            As his hand dropped like a hot stone from her shoulder his face went back to its imitation of Spock.

            “I do not understand this.” He turned away, swiftly moving to a doorway which suddenly appeared in the wall which hadn’t been there before. “I will find out what is happening.”

            And with that he departed through the door which closed with a ‘swoosh’ as swiftly as it had opened and then there was no sign of it.

            Dee rushed over to try to follow the alien but the wall didn’t open as it had for him. She banged on the wall with a raised fist. “Hey come back. Don’t leave me here alone. You alien you. I want to go home.” After banging for a few seconds her hand began to hurt so she turned and slumped back against the wall. Lifting her chin she spoke out loud to the empty room. “If you’ve got any surveillance cameras or listening devices then at least bring me a cup of tea. I am gasping here.”