Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Wednesday Writing - more thoughts on Eroticon

This was a session I went to at Eroticon on busting myths about the Submissive Woman:

Myth 1 - submissive women are weak, needy, dependent, lack confidence, lack self respect, a doormat, powerless.

Poppycock! You need to know yourself and have a strength of character. There may be some submissives who fit one or more of those characteristics but don’t broadly brush all submissives like that. Writers seem to have gone the other way to avoid showing women as needy instead there are lots of books which show the submissive as a powerful woman who gives up control. The key is finding the balance.

Myth 2 - submissive women are passive sexually, unaware of their submissive nature, only awakened by a strong Dom and that being a sub is about pleasing the Dom and all about his sexual pleasure.

Rubbish. It should be about mutual pleasure. You are not topping from the bottom if you communicate and express what you need.

Submission is not taken but given, although there are a lot of stories where the submission is perceived to be taken, eg, forced seduction.

Myth 3 - You are submissive because of a past abuse or trauma.

We all come to any kind of relationship with issues that doesn’t mean we will become submissive. It also implies we are submissive with consent and have no choice, that the sub is forced to be submissive because they don't know anything different.

Myth 4 - All submissive women are masochists.

Do not assume that a woman in a Dominant/submissive relationship enjoys experiencing pain play. Pain play is often cathartic, not necessarily orgasmic. It can be arousing but far stronger is the element of catharsism. Extreme pain does not equal pleasure. Different women will have thresholds and responses.

It needs to be a positive experience for both and not about the Dom taking out his frustration. A person doing it in anger will be dangerous. It should be a controlled situation.

Myth 5 - submissive women are all bi sexual, poly, open to everyone, promiscuous, submissive to everyone

Too laughable to even comment on!

Myth 6 - that all people in a DS relationship have a contract, eg, the Dom gives you a contract and says sign here.

An actual contract is quite rate. Do talk about your needs and limits but they may need to be re-negotiated over time.

It was a terrific session.


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